I haven't had my period in 7 years! Yes 7! I had number 3 and then I got an IUD and left it in for an extra year. It's been out for about a month and the thing is coming; I can feel it! I have cramps and bloating and soreness everywhere! I don't really remember what it's like and I don't remember how to deal with such a monster! I decided to bleed again because it's natural and because I want another kid. (I know, I'm ridic!) And, since I am going balls out with this post, the sex is way better without it!
So I decided to buy a Diva Cup. She's my new best friend and I don't even know if she works yet. Wish me luck!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
How Long Will Stuff Mean More Than Love?
A woman down the street killed herself. She blew her head off with a shotgun. Brain matter flew across the street well into the empty lot. She was new to the block, in fact when she did it, she had been here for two weeks. She moved in with her sister and niece after her husband died. Not only did he die, but she lost her home because she couldn't afford it anymore. Why did she do it?
Several people at TK's work are getting engaged and committed. They are all wearing these huge rocks on their fingers. All paid for on credit. Are such huge diamonds really necessary? The real rarity of a diamond is controlled by the blood-filthy diamond industry, why pay so much and really own nothing?
TK woke up this morning early. I envisioned a morning of coffee and cards and hopefully love making. She called the bank to inquire about a car loan. We are down to one gas guzzling truck. The solution, trade it in and get a smaller vehicle. Sounds good, right? It's the American way. By doing this we would be spending much less money on gas and helping the world by not consuming. We would also be adding to our monthly debt and apparently ruining my sweet morning.
My solution is to ride my bike more often, to and from school. Or take public transportation. Her solution is to hide in herself and feel inadequate. I cannot abide by this. I cannot see how a car could ruin a persons whole day and put a person in such a tailspin of self hate. But all people have experienced this. The need for something overshadows the love others have for us. Or in the case of the flashy diamonds, takes the place of.
The two people with the huge rings have major problems. One of the people has only known and was only seeking material love (of her own admission), one of the people wants real love, but feels contractually bound to the giver. What has the grandness of gaudy fashion really afforded them? What can it afford any of us? Why do we insist upon living so far out of our means and searching for happiness among mounds of things when as far as we need to look is under our own roof? In the bed next to us. In the next room taking tiny breaths. Across the phone line wishing we were home. Who needs all of this shit? Not me. And not her. Because it makes no difference what I die with if I lived with unhappiness.
Several people at TK's work are getting engaged and committed. They are all wearing these huge rocks on their fingers. All paid for on credit. Are such huge diamonds really necessary? The real rarity of a diamond is controlled by the blood-filthy diamond industry, why pay so much and really own nothing?
TK woke up this morning early. I envisioned a morning of coffee and cards and hopefully love making. She called the bank to inquire about a car loan. We are down to one gas guzzling truck. The solution, trade it in and get a smaller vehicle. Sounds good, right? It's the American way. By doing this we would be spending much less money on gas and helping the world by not consuming. We would also be adding to our monthly debt and apparently ruining my sweet morning.
My solution is to ride my bike more often, to and from school. Or take public transportation. Her solution is to hide in herself and feel inadequate. I cannot abide by this. I cannot see how a car could ruin a persons whole day and put a person in such a tailspin of self hate. But all people have experienced this. The need for something overshadows the love others have for us. Or in the case of the flashy diamonds, takes the place of.
The two people with the huge rings have major problems. One of the people has only known and was only seeking material love (of her own admission), one of the people wants real love, but feels contractually bound to the giver. What has the grandness of gaudy fashion really afforded them? What can it afford any of us? Why do we insist upon living so far out of our means and searching for happiness among mounds of things when as far as we need to look is under our own roof? In the bed next to us. In the next room taking tiny breaths. Across the phone line wishing we were home. Who needs all of this shit? Not me. And not her. Because it makes no difference what I die with if I lived with unhappiness.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Sticking Up For Me, For Us and For the Future
On Monday, I left my Gender Studies class in tears. When I first walked in, one of my table mates made a "That's so gay" comment. I promptly called him out on that. Later in the class we were looking at paintings from the Renaissance and more modern times when someone said, "Homo" and another said, "I see a whole lotta fruit in that painting." I tried not to be defensive, I tried to not let it bother me, but it did. We then had to show pictures that we chose to epitamize masculinity or femininity. I chose a photo of Leslie Feinberg, a transgender author, activist and speaker. My group chose me to speak up about my photo, but I couldn't. I could not get past the earlier ignorance, I did not have it in me to try and teach people who I deemed unteachable.
Since Monday, I have been plotting what I would say to the class. All of my scenarios included using other derogitory names and inserting them where gay goes in "that's so gay". I finally had my chance to speak up in class today. Even though we were running late getting out of class, my classmates lent me their ears and I eliquaintly stated my case as to why "That's so gay" makes one look ignorant and can hurt the people around said one.
If even one of those kids leaves class with a sense of why we should be careful and think about our words, then I have changed the world. Even if someone leaves the class and makes fun of the sensitive lesbian in the gender class, s/he will have relayed this lesson to someone else's ear. "That's so gay" is such a trivial thing to fight against, but even the biggest buildings use sand to support the cement foundation. I am just one grain of salt, but I feel mightier than a boulder today!
Since Monday, I have been plotting what I would say to the class. All of my scenarios included using other derogitory names and inserting them where gay goes in "that's so gay". I finally had my chance to speak up in class today. Even though we were running late getting out of class, my classmates lent me their ears and I eliquaintly stated my case as to why "That's so gay" makes one look ignorant and can hurt the people around said one.
If even one of those kids leaves class with a sense of why we should be careful and think about our words, then I have changed the world. Even if someone leaves the class and makes fun of the sensitive lesbian in the gender class, s/he will have relayed this lesson to someone else's ear. "That's so gay" is such a trivial thing to fight against, but even the biggest buildings use sand to support the cement foundation. I am just one grain of salt, but I feel mightier than a boulder today!
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