Monday, November 17, 2008
The Reason Behind My (Un)Motivation
I haven't felt my usual self lately. I don't want to work or go to school. I am just so angry about all the anti-gay measures that passed. I HATE that I work at a place that I love, but 98% of the people are super Christians. All but one voted Yes on 102. They trust and like me enough to let me work with kids and pray for me, but not to give me rights. I think by the first of the year, I will have a new job. I can't work side by side with them anymore. I don't need to be in an all gay environment, I just need to be with open minded and hearted people. I have no problem with religion either. It's not for me, but that's ok. I just can't be around so much hatred and ignorance. I need an ally there. I am really sad that it has to come to this. It's the only thing I can think of that's bringing me down. I have an amazing girlfriend who I am falling more madly in love with every moment. I have great friends, enough student loan money to supplement what I can't afford and awesome kids who keep my busy and on my toes. Everything else is great. It's no use trying to reason with them to see it from my point of view. The church tells them how to live and that's how they do it. Stopping now. Too sad to write about any more.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Her
All these feeling I have for her are undeniable.
I haven't even tried,
like usual,
to push them away for fear of later pain.
I want to be fully
consumed
by her.
I want to wake every morning
with her by my side,
with her in my arms,
with her scent embedded in my olfactory,
the touch of her skin lingering on my fingertips.
I hear her
laugh
in the
wind.
Her smile
brightens
my darkest thoughts.
The taste of her
sweet body
lasts on my tongue.
Her breath on my
neck
awakens my soul.
The softness of her
eyes
right before she kisses
me
can take me to heaven
and
back.
She is my
balance.
She is my
calm.
She is my
hope.
This is only the
beginning.
What is to come
remains
to be seen.
My future is inspired
With her by my side,
countering my harsh
with her softness.
I haven't even tried,
like usual,
to push them away for fear of later pain.
I want to be fully
consumed
by her.
I want to wake every morning
with her by my side,
with her in my arms,
with her scent embedded in my olfactory,
the touch of her skin lingering on my fingertips.
I hear her
laugh
in the
wind.
Her smile
brightens
my darkest thoughts.
The taste of her
sweet body
lasts on my tongue.
Her breath on my
neck
awakens my soul.
The softness of her
eyes
right before she kisses
me
can take me to heaven
and
back.
She is my
balance.
She is my
calm.
She is my
hope.
This is only the
beginning.
What is to come
remains
to be seen.
My future is inspired
With her by my side,
countering my harsh
with her softness.
Good Things to Come?
Election night was bittersweet. Obama won. I am still not convinced that he's not the anti-christ, but at least according to what I have read, the Rapture happens before the anti-christ comes into power. So far, no Rapture; this might be an ok thing. I pretty much knew that Prop 102, here in AZ, would pass. I knew because people I talked to were sure it wouldn't. They were complacent. I and several others, on the other hand, fought like it had every chance to pass.
I wish I could be complacent. I wish I could complacent. I go to work and think, gee these people really value and respect me. Instead, I look at all my uber-Christian co-workers and think, "Wow, you people really are happy to just follow the word of your preacher, who is just as apathetic with the word of his mentor." Nobody really took into consideration that these amendments aren't really about marriage, but about the rights afforded by marriage.
I won't get into the rights here, because most of the people who read this are well versed in the rights they are currently denied, now as a constitutional law. I will say that my relationship with my coworkers is strained because of their ignorance, but I am even more upset with my own community.
It used to be a rarity to have a "gay" friend. Now it's very much more prevalent. I would say almost every one knows someone who is gay, so gay is out there, but not enough. Just as white and black people tend to segregate themselves into different neighborhoods and social situations, so do queers. Almost every large city has a gay district. All the bars, shops and perfectly decorated lofts are located there. It's where, if you could afford to live in that fag mecca, you would in a heartbeat. Some people, I am guilty too, only go to gay bars. For many reasons, this is a safe and happy way of life.
We live in these bubbles and occasionally pop out to go to straight club for an acquaintances or coworkers birthday. Oh, and political rallies the week before an election that has the potential to make us constitutionally second class citizens. Where was the anger before that? Where was the drive to fight? It was put into finger pointing about who should be raising the money, who raised more, who's responsibility it was to make and distribute signs and buttons. it was pointed at each other, Such a waste of energy.
So what really caused Prop 102, 8, 2 and 1 to pass? I believe fear drove the people to vote as they did. What is causes fear? Simply put, the unknown. Many of the bloggers that I follow talk about how the "outside community" doesn't know us. What they see is the two really hot doctors kissing on Grey's Anatomy, the amazingly slutty* antics of the girls on L-Word or the boys from QAF and stereotypes of bull daggers and drag queens. They don't see law abiding, tax paying, open minded, big hearted, child rearing citizens and PEOPLE. Who's fault is that?
Ours. We can't expect to live in our predominantly gay neighborhoods, have mostly gay friends and have only gay causes on our agenda, then demand to be excepted. We MUST step out of your bubble, ladies and gentlemen. We MUST stop segregating ourselves. Be part of the "outside community" in a huge and undeniable way. I dream that we get to a point where we drop the "outside" from community. That's what we are fighting for isn't it? Inclusion and yet we live exclusive lives of our own design.
MAKE the world see you as equal.
Ok this is last thing I want to talk about in this disjointed blog post. Follow this link. Do you see something wrong with half of these pictures? I do. Fighting hate with hate? Really? I mean for reals? That always accomplishes so much. (<- That's sarcasm.) We can fight this without hateful slogans and demeaning signs. I say. Go for dignity. It may take longer to get the point across with dignity, but boy will it feel better in the end.
http://bittenbyazebra.jalbum.net/Prop%20H8%20Demonstration%20(NYC,%20Nov.%2012,%202008)/
That's all I got for right now.
(*Let it be know that the word slutty is an adjective to describe how other's may conceive women and men who sleep with many. I think live and let live. Just be safe.)
I wish I could be complacent. I wish I could complacent. I go to work and think, gee these people really value and respect me. Instead, I look at all my uber-Christian co-workers and think, "Wow, you people really are happy to just follow the word of your preacher, who is just as apathetic with the word of his mentor." Nobody really took into consideration that these amendments aren't really about marriage, but about the rights afforded by marriage.
I won't get into the rights here, because most of the people who read this are well versed in the rights they are currently denied, now as a constitutional law. I will say that my relationship with my coworkers is strained because of their ignorance, but I am even more upset with my own community.
It used to be a rarity to have a "gay" friend. Now it's very much more prevalent. I would say almost every one knows someone who is gay, so gay is out there, but not enough. Just as white and black people tend to segregate themselves into different neighborhoods and social situations, so do queers. Almost every large city has a gay district. All the bars, shops and perfectly decorated lofts are located there. It's where, if you could afford to live in that fag mecca, you would in a heartbeat. Some people, I am guilty too, only go to gay bars. For many reasons, this is a safe and happy way of life.
We live in these bubbles and occasionally pop out to go to straight club for an acquaintances or coworkers birthday. Oh, and political rallies the week before an election that has the potential to make us constitutionally second class citizens. Where was the anger before that? Where was the drive to fight? It was put into finger pointing about who should be raising the money, who raised more, who's responsibility it was to make and distribute signs and buttons. it was pointed at each other, Such a waste of energy.
So what really caused Prop 102, 8, 2 and 1 to pass? I believe fear drove the people to vote as they did. What is causes fear? Simply put, the unknown. Many of the bloggers that I follow talk about how the "outside community" doesn't know us. What they see is the two really hot doctors kissing on Grey's Anatomy, the amazingly slutty* antics of the girls on L-Word or the boys from QAF and stereotypes of bull daggers and drag queens. They don't see law abiding, tax paying, open minded, big hearted, child rearing citizens and PEOPLE. Who's fault is that?
Ours. We can't expect to live in our predominantly gay neighborhoods, have mostly gay friends and have only gay causes on our agenda, then demand to be excepted. We MUST step out of your bubble, ladies and gentlemen. We MUST stop segregating ourselves. Be part of the "outside community" in a huge and undeniable way. I dream that we get to a point where we drop the "outside" from community. That's what we are fighting for isn't it? Inclusion and yet we live exclusive lives of our own design.
MAKE the world see you as equal.
Ok this is last thing I want to talk about in this disjointed blog post. Follow this link. Do you see something wrong with half of these pictures? I do. Fighting hate with hate? Really? I mean for reals? That always accomplishes so much. (<- That's sarcasm.) We can fight this without hateful slogans and demeaning signs. I say. Go for dignity. It may take longer to get the point across with dignity, but boy will it feel better in the end.
http://bittenbyazebra.jalbum.net/Prop%20H8%20Demonstration%20(NYC,%20Nov.%2012,%202008)/
That's all I got for right now.
(*Let it be know that the word slutty is an adjective to describe how other's may conceive women and men who sleep with many. I think live and let live. Just be safe.)
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Thoughts Before The Election
I don’t want to live in this country anymore.
I am so sick of all this fighting. I am ashamed of what this election has brought forth in this country. I am even more ashamed that all of this underlying RACISM and blatant HATE exist in a country that’s motto is liberty and justice for all. It’s just all bullshit now. There is no liberty. There is no justice.
I have only seen the worst of people this election year. I may not respect my opposition’s opinion, but I will not deface their signs, steal their ads, make up lies about them, hack their websites, attack their religious practices, or spout racism and hate all over the media. Am I and a (relative) handful of other people the only people who see what this is doing to our country and our world?
I have seen fundraising in paramount proportions. Where is this money going? To fight for rights which we should already have. Rights that should have been afforded with the original constitution. This money is also going to measure that would take these rights away from citizens. Or, rather further keep these rights from American citizens.
All the while, our economy is so poor that people I know have lost their jobs. Others are losing their homes. I am talking losing the roof over their heads. HOMELESS. Some with children.
Our children are losing themselves to media and advertising ,their parents handing over their parenting rights to the TV and blaming the producers and writers for their children’s erratic behaviors.
Our nation is growing food for fuel. A fine idea indeed, except that hunger is abundant, our land is being raped of nutrients and our skies still continue to fill with dust and smog.
Our country is full of “I want it now-ers”. We want our cake now. We don’t care if it’s the cooks only grandchild’s 1st birthday, if the field the wheat came from is so poisoned that the farmers wife and children are dying of a brand new, indefensible cancer, or that the eggs are laid by chickens made lame by human indifference. This is just a metaphore. Insert, toys, electronics, stupid oppressing laws, or whatever you want in place of cake. Its all the same.
Instead of thinking about our actions and future, we just take and take and take until we have to invent something else to take because we’ve depleted our original supply. To live aware is a new age concept. There are books written and movies made about it. The thing is that living an aware life should not be a foreign concept.
It’s not even hard. Be aware that our actions have consequences, both positive and negative. Think about what you are doing and saying before you do it. Really think. The words that you think are as powerful as the ones that come out of your mouth because your inner thoughts determine your outer presence.
In this election, people’s inner thoughts are finally coming out. The negativity and HATE that I have felt in our toxic country is finally surfacing. HATE looks like my co-workers and neighbors. HATE looks like my fellow protesters. HATE is comments on a blog meant to spread love. HATE is slogans and chants at political rallies. HATE is not voting for someone based on skin color and name. NAME for fuck’s sake. People what are we coming to?
So either we all come to a collective decision to live aware or we all drown in our negativity, sadness, anger, grief, and stuff we buy to forget these things. I will not drown and if I can help it, neither will you.
I am so sick of all this fighting. I am ashamed of what this election has brought forth in this country. I am even more ashamed that all of this underlying RACISM and blatant HATE exist in a country that’s motto is liberty and justice for all. It’s just all bullshit now. There is no liberty. There is no justice.
I have only seen the worst of people this election year. I may not respect my opposition’s opinion, but I will not deface their signs, steal their ads, make up lies about them, hack their websites, attack their religious practices, or spout racism and hate all over the media. Am I and a (relative) handful of other people the only people who see what this is doing to our country and our world?
I have seen fundraising in paramount proportions. Where is this money going? To fight for rights which we should already have. Rights that should have been afforded with the original constitution. This money is also going to measure that would take these rights away from citizens. Or, rather further keep these rights from American citizens.
All the while, our economy is so poor that people I know have lost their jobs. Others are losing their homes. I am talking losing the roof over their heads. HOMELESS. Some with children.
Our children are losing themselves to media and advertising ,their parents handing over their parenting rights to the TV and blaming the producers and writers for their children’s erratic behaviors.
Our nation is growing food for fuel. A fine idea indeed, except that hunger is abundant, our land is being raped of nutrients and our skies still continue to fill with dust and smog.
Our country is full of “I want it now-ers”. We want our cake now. We don’t care if it’s the cooks only grandchild’s 1st birthday, if the field the wheat came from is so poisoned that the farmers wife and children are dying of a brand new, indefensible cancer, or that the eggs are laid by chickens made lame by human indifference. This is just a metaphore. Insert, toys, electronics, stupid oppressing laws, or whatever you want in place of cake. Its all the same.
Instead of thinking about our actions and future, we just take and take and take until we have to invent something else to take because we’ve depleted our original supply. To live aware is a new age concept. There are books written and movies made about it. The thing is that living an aware life should not be a foreign concept.
It’s not even hard. Be aware that our actions have consequences, both positive and negative. Think about what you are doing and saying before you do it. Really think. The words that you think are as powerful as the ones that come out of your mouth because your inner thoughts determine your outer presence.
In this election, people’s inner thoughts are finally coming out. The negativity and HATE that I have felt in our toxic country is finally surfacing. HATE looks like my co-workers and neighbors. HATE looks like my fellow protesters. HATE is comments on a blog meant to spread love. HATE is slogans and chants at political rallies. HATE is not voting for someone based on skin color and name. NAME for fuck’s sake. People what are we coming to?
So either we all come to a collective decision to live aware or we all drown in our negativity, sadness, anger, grief, and stuff we buy to forget these things. I will not drown and if I can help it, neither will you.
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