changes

It's been a month of intense changes, true honesty, heartbreak, love, friendship and decision. We are doing well. Al-Anon is working out for our family, for me. I have a sponsor and I am working on working the steps. There are preparations that need to be done first; mainly reading reading reading.

She and I have had some amazingly emotional days. She supports me and my quest for health without admitting a problem herself. I question whether it really is a problem or not. I liked being in the dark and ignorant bliss almost as much as I am beginning to like being upfront and honest with her and myself. She is my life, my grown up life. We have the boys. We are a family.

She is taking a job in far far away land; like four hours away land. The kids and I are moving to two hours from here, two hours from her land. We chose this place to be closer to making our dream of homesteading a reality. I will continue to go to school, a slightly different major, or should I say majors? Forestry coupled with an applied environmental science. It's a good place for me to be.

I am scared shitless about selling my house. It is worth nothing and I did nothing to deserve a house worth nothing. I bought before the big housing boom, I read my paperwork, I knew what my budgetary limits were, I paid on time every month and I am the one being royally screwed. For NOT screwing up! On top of the "housing crisis", I have to contend with my hispanic neighbors, nearly 90% of my neighborhood, fleeing because the idiotic governor signed an awful bill making racial profiling legal! Bend over, insert bureaucratic cock! I have nothing to lose by not paying my mortgage anymore, I suppose.

I haven't told many of my friends that we are moving yet because it won;t actually happen before this semester is over. I have told him that we are moving and that we are taking the kids, but he hasn't responded. It could get ugly. Tomorrow is a big day for he and I. I am filing child support papers, which should surprise the shit out of him because he thinks that he doesn't have to pay. I really never thought this would get ugly. I am also, finally, filing for divorce. I know, I know. And I can tell you why I didn't already, but it really doesn't matter.

So there is the last month really wrapped up tight in a nutshell. I want to write more, but i seem really blocked right now, so a short update is all I have for right now. Even the other blog is suffering my word block. Sigh...