Alright

Well it's finally all out. As much as it hurt to hear it, at least I know. I questioned myself over and over about my intentions and decided that I would let my heart lead. I let my guard down. Until you I haven't let anyone in since I was 18. Ironically, I thought I would be the one to hurt you. I thought I would be the one to start thinking and let my brain take over. I fucking suck. I haven't felt this way in so long. I remember why nobody can get into me. You suck for thinking. We had so much fun together. We can talk forever and not even notice forever flew by. I knew this would happen. My horoscope told me so. So stupid that I even looked at it today. I just had to get up the guts to ask you. Here is my response. I know when I am distracting myself. J was a distraction. When he went away, I didn't care. I go out drinking as a distraction. I take off for the weekend as a distraction. I ignore HIM. HE was moving out anyway. Our marriage was over long before you came along. You had nothing to do with that. I really put myself out there with you. I was willing listen to my heart. I was willing to have emotion. I am actually glad it hurts so bad because I know I am not dead inside after all these years of being unhappy. That doesn't mean I want to keep hurting. I am sure that blog scared you. I took a real gamble letting you read it, it looks like I lost for now. Your friends aren't there with us. Just like mine aren't. How could they tell you anything about this? I am glad you have people to talk to, but you should have really talked to me. And definitley shouldn't have made me wait a whole week and made me have to ask you. If I post this after all this shit, I would be a real idiot, wouldn't I? Just opening myself to you again. I don't want to you to feel sorry for me. I'll get along just fine without that. So when you ask and I say I'm alright, you know what that means. Don't think too long. And don't listen to other people. Even me.