So Now it's Friday...

SHE shared alot with me last night. The first journal entry I read was tremendous. It was sad and hopeless, yet reassuring. I am not alone. Not so trapped in my own head. Always wondering what others are thinking, but somehow not really caring until they tell me something I didn't want to hear. They don't even know me. How can she say that? I only know what I know and I try to be really careful about what I say. Only talking about certain things when I am asked. Well I need to get over it cuz I only have two more months to hang out before SHE leaves, so I need to suck it up and be myself no matter what. I will just choose my quiet self sometimes. I hope I never make you feel like I know everything because I learn new things every day. Everytime SHE touches me, I can't concentrate and I think SHE thinks I am not responding, I am. Thank you for letting me in a little. ENOUGH!! So now to other things. My highest priority has also become my biggest annoyance. I am not resentful, just lost right now. I had dreams. I wanted to be a marine biologist, a paramedic, a midwife, a scholar. To say I am *just* a mom undermines my efforts to be a good mom. (I say this about myself.) I am a good mom. I do what I think is right by me. I wish I could have known what growing up slowly would have been like. People say that I only have this time in thier lives once, but I only have this time in MY life once also. I need to find the balance. Peace. I am exausted. I am spent and pulled in every direction. People need so much from me and I can't say no. I can make my peace in a few situations and I find my voice more than not, but then people call me a bitch. I MAKE MISTAKES and that's ok...right? blah, blah, blah I am going out to commune with nature this Friday. I need to be outside.