RandomThoughts (of (un)kindness)

You are not my friend. I am definitely a friend to you, but you are incapable of truly letting yourself love. You will never appreciate me without judgement. This weekend you fucked up. Thursday, you broke plans to hang with some asshole. We had these plans for a month, worse than that, I actually let myself get excited about it. I was really looking forward to hanging out. Friday night, dinner. You got kicked out of your house. I understood that plans changed, but you are too self involved to call. That sucks. Saturday, once again plans made to hang out. You were going to go to the shower with me, but you backed out. We were supposed to hang at KR and L's. Instead I hung with you and A. Great! Fucking Great! That's exactly what I was envisioning for the weekend. Having to try to include myself in your fun. You suck. And your apologies are lame and half-hearted. Your excuses are numbing. We all have alot of shit going. You backing away is fine, but that's just another in the great excuse book. When I back away, you will probably not even feel it til you get hungry. You wouldn't even know. Worse than that, when you figured it out, you would just talk some "poor me" shit up to someone who cares about you, but you are just using for the time being. I would do anything for my friends, I have shown you that. But you don't deserve another ounce of my energy or love. I left today feeling more stressed out and beaten than ever before. You finally pushed me too far. I hope that falls into your plans of never letting anyone in to avoid hurt. Our conversation was a disappointment, like I knew it would be. Even if A wasn't there, you would have still had the same reaction. It's not for making jokes. I actually have feelings invested in this friendship. I really wish you could let your heart feel something. The pain of loss is not as great as the joy of love. It kills me to tell you these things. I hate when people call me out, it hurts like hell to have your weakness put into words. In the end, you have a chance to come out stronger and better for yourself. Hit me up when you are ready to put effort into this.