What the Hell?

I seriously need some psychiatric advice. I am leaving that blog up to remind myself why I can't lose my temper. It was only 6 bucks and I said mean things. Words hurt as bad as a hand. And I would never hit them. Bad Mommy Monster!!! Mommy monster is put away now. I feel like a real idiot. My kids saw right through me. I asked them how they feel about me moving out and as calm as ever...not even a flinch. They all said "Good". Whoa. Did not expect that. Later on I apologized. They did too and very later on, I asked them again about me moving out and they said "Bad"! I said what about earlier. And I kid you not, all three said, "Well we were mad at you." So matter of fact. Those creatures I have taught so well. I was always like that with my punishments. Oh NO! My kids are growing up to be super emotionless. Those of you who knew me before know that my repressed feeling plus HIS bubbling over with repression feelings equals Serial Murderer children. I can see it now on A&E, When good kids go bad: The making of a Tween Serial Killer. I'm over it. In my fit though, I rewrote my resume and posted to ADP. Another payroll company. Under salary requirements, I posted at least $17/ hour. That way I can save for whatever I need to. I talked to Aa about 10 times today. I really like talking to her. I think it would have been ok for her to go with us to CA. She had a saddening talk with her ex today and she called me to talk about it. We both cried today. E, CONGRATS on saying NO to me! You did great and I wasn't mad...not that I would have been even if you had beat around the bush, but... In fact I was so elated you said no, I almost forgot what I asked you! Woohoo. I like the stoney post cuz I'm stoney and I thought of it myself. Chao!