I Wish I Was Back

So I went to San Diego again last weekend. Got in this morning around 1am. There is so much about this trip I want to say and so little that is coming to my stuffed brain. I am not sure whether to tell it like a story or just write about some amazing things that occurred in my brain and out. I was mad when we left an hour and a half late. I was mad because I had to face the wrath of HIM. I was mad cuz that meant we were getting there and hour and a half later than I thought. I was mad cuz I felt like we both had alot of time to pack. When she got in the car, she knew I was mad. What I didn't realize was that she has shit going on too. I am not the only one with a vida loca. We had it out for about three minutes, then it was done. I know you hate confrontation, E, and I know I force it on you and I am always impressed by the way you deal with me. (Even though I may not show it at the time.) The drive was long. I drove 5 hours and 45 minutes, she drove 15 minutes!! Ha! I was delirious when we finally switched on the freeway stuck in traffic at 9:30 pm. Finally at the hotel, shittiest parking spaces ever. But you managed and we didn't move the car all weekend. Je and I started where we left off. E and A-DS started over...again. At Captain Keno's, a little kissing in the bathroom hall. Baby, she called me, then stopped and said she couldn't call me that cuz I wasn't her girlfriend, so I suggested that she and I be weekend girlfriends, and that's what we became. Then someone walks in and she runs away. Went from pinning me against the wall to locking herself in the stall. Whoa. She says sometimes people aren't as cool as that guy, the one who walked in on us, was. She says they can be downright mean and instead of listening to it, or fighting back, as I would do, she runs away from it. Am I so naive that I think I can take on every intolerant prick out there? Got drunk fast. Back at the hotel, I got to be on top and figured out my hip bone is very handy. Someone being concerned about my pleasure took me aback. I actually didn't know what to do with that. I had performance anxiety more than once because I was expected to enjoy myself too. I can honestly say getting her off was a pleasure in itself. Not like a boy though. I wasn't a tool, I was a participant. I could definitely do that again. And I hope soon. The girls drank all day Saturday and smoked. :( I am not a very good pace yourself kind, so I was sober most of the day. Gosh I am sure there is so much I am forgetting. The beach sparkled. Not metaphorically, The Goddess actually sprinkled glitter on the sand for me to be delighted every time I looked down. I love the ocean. I love how peaceful I feel when I smell the air, taste the water, hear the waves.. I honestly can't think of anything bad that has ever happened to me by the ocean. Buried A-DS in the sand. What a sport! Je and I had a little moment. I said something she didn't like, or really understand, and she had a physical reaction, then we went on like nothing happened. Later I made her discuss it. I don't like pending issues. Je and I left the beach to take a shower. She showered first. When she got out, she smelled so good. I wanted her and that was the hottest I have been in forever. I got to use my hip again. Hehe.. I think my favorite memory of the whole trip will be going to get takeout from one place and running to the bar for a little drinky drink... or three. We had the same bartender both nights, Da, we shall call him. We found out that they had a birthday cake every Saturday night, so later we surprised A-DS with a bday celebration. Anyway before we picked up the order we had shots and mudslides and conversation and kisses and peace. We raced to get our food. I won, but it's just cuz my legs were longer, Je is fast. We ate our food on the balcony patio at the Portafino Inn, room 228. The breeze was soft and the burger was amazing. Laughter, food, friends and a lover. Does it get any better? Apparently so, cuz Je and I got into the hot tub after dinner. The bday celebration commenced at C.K.'s. The drinking continued. I went down to the beach alone that night. Drunk and happy. I stood in the water and got my PJ's wet, almost lost my shoes. When I got back, I curled up next to my weekend girlfriend. So comfortable, so real, so content. Then she left at 630 in the morning. Back to camp. Will I ever see her again? Was leaving as hard for her as watching her leave was for me? The rest of the day is a blur, until I had a total and surprising breakdown in the car. I don't want to leave. I am uncertain about the future. Will I be able to move? Is this job right for me? How much can HE hold me back from my dreams. The hug I needed the most came from the seat next to me. It was then I realized how powerful the love and friendship I have with her is and how I had affected her life. What you said to me was unbelievable. How could I have so much influence on someones life? Del Mar Beach was amazing, absolutely worth the $35 parking ticket I got for not reading the Pay Here to Park Here sign. Dinner was great the ride home was great the fact that you had your pipe on your lap for the border patrol to see (and they missed) was great. I hate to be back in town, but I did miss my friends and I think VD and KRL *ABSOLUTELY MUST* move with us to CA. Unconditional love and acceptance are the two greatest things I can teach my boys. Tomorrow, I will write about Sunday morning with Joyce.