Friday, August 17, 2007

The Je Issue Put to Rest?

She called today. She sounded down. Said she was tired and got irritated when I asked her a second time. Lots of pained small talk and I finally asked her if she wanted to talk about the other night. (The other night she told me all the bad things about herself that she could think of in a lame attempt to push me away. Then after I finally told her I don't play games and I like straight-forwardness, she told me that she didn't want a relationship. That we were in two totally different places in our lives. I told her I didn't either. Besides that we live a gazillion miles away, I have alot of shit going on in my life. She called me about an hour later when I was almost asleep calling me baby, asking how my night was, and telling me that she would talk to me "tomorrow sweetie". Ummm, that was weird.) She said she didn't want to talk about it then she said she did. I told her regardless, I needed to say a few things. She said she was happy we were on the same page. I told her that I still wanted to hook up with her when it was convenient for the both of us and she agreed. That felt good. She said she had to go, so we hung up. I called her back after a while because I felt uneasy about how we left it. When she answered, I told her that I had to tell her one more thing. She grumbled because she thought it would be something bad. It wasn't. I just wanted to tell her that I really cared about her and that I missed her camp stories and our lighthearted dialogue. I wanted to still get to know her and become friends with her. She started right away laughing and telling me about the "chicken kicker"! That's what I needed. I think we will still have a future, not in a relationship way, but she will be in my life for a while.

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