HumDrum

"U r entertaining my brain..Tell me that ur not married..It just occurred to me i just assumed u aren't" That means she likes me, right? But I am married, on paper, so that's bad? Grrrrr...So frustrated..I mean we talked after and I explained. Then tonight she cancelled out hang out tomorrow, cuz her friend needed her. Rescheduled open ended for next week. Wait and see wait and see wait and see. Always wait and see. I don't wanna wait. I just want something. I thought things were going well for me. They are, I just have to keep telling myself. BBS still hasn't called me. Waiting......So impatient. Fuck. Then there's SS. What a doozie. I have not written her name, yet. What a woman! Too fucking bad she's so fucking far away. We have amazing conversations, we can talk for hours and most of the time we do. I have shared so much, sometimes I think too much. But i know once she's in, I am open for heart break. So everyday, I think, I should end this now before either of us gets hurt. I should change the way I think about her. I should not allow myself to be so open with her, but everyday, I change my mind. You see, it's so easy to just let things be. It's so easy to pretend hearing about the other girls doesn't hurt. She's there. She listens when nobody else can. I am hurting so bad, not knowing why now? Why her? Why there? I just wish I could let go. Let everything happen. I got a text yesterday that said don't wish things are good only when they are bad, wish they are good all the time. I am sick of wishing. Fuck Cinderella, wishes never come true.