Am I lost?

Three weeks ago, i knew my roles in life. I was an unhappy wife, a normal mom, a haphazard lover, an adultress, a weekend binge drinker, occasional pot smoker and generally mindless of my despair. This week I am a seperated wife (good with that), neglectful mother, space needer, confused non-lover, I still wear the scarlet letter, waiting for 5 o'clock drinker, pot smoker and all around low. Which is better...pretending it's all good or knowing it's not? Will it pass? I want to scream cry kick yell not use commas. I also want to curl up and sleep. It's 5 now.......pour me something tall and strong, I need a hurricane before I go insane. (I wonder if I could write a whole blog in song lyrics.) Self doubt. So confident until I let my guard down. Now I am out in the open, naked, wondering who's talking about me, what are they saying? I am feeling like a big idiot. It was real. I have to beleive that or I will be lost.