here I am on the up

Just a day after devestation and I am up up up. The difference is that I have not been alone since yesterday around 4. I didn't realize how much comfort my kids give me. Just them being around is comfoting in a way. A2 is playing alone and K is sleeping, but I know they are here. So alone with my thoughts, bad. I met someone today. Not that kind of someone. She is already way involved, but her story is very similar to mine. Married with kids, chose girls and happiness, got divorce, happy with girl. We are gonna hang out some time and talk. My sister KP was with me at the time and she said something that made me realize that although I mostly don't think so, I am an okay mom. She said *I love parents like my sister who let their kids be themselves and they accept it.* (The girl I met has a son who dresses in drag and plays with brats dolls. He's 8.) What an awesome kid and mom. I openly accept my children. My slow (not mental, but physical, literally) 8 year old. My pistol 7 year old. And my 4 year old Dr. FrankNFurter. I love those boys, that's not to say I don't get frustrated, cuz I do often. Things are bad in my head right now. I am all twisted and half of the time fucked up, but I will learn to live within my boundries. I can take flight unrestricted without hurting anyone, when I figure out how. For today, because who knows what tomorrow's sun will bring, I am okay. I think I am still a little fucked up from last night, but that's helping I suppose. I would be afraid for me, if I wasn't me, if I read this last week of posts. Holy Hell.