Will this fucking nightmare end?

Just goes on and on and on. Like I will be running forever. Always exposed. It started as a bad dream and I thought I could control it, but now I feel queasy all the time. My hands shake, my mind can't focus. All I have are my dreams that I can't remember most of the time. I can't make it all go away. I just want some peace from this anger swirling around me. I can't make myself love HIM. I can't. My heart is in a million and one pieces, scattered throughout the earth. One piece with every person I have ever met. Some people have bigger fragments than others. I want them all back. I want to feel whole again. I don't even remember what whole feels like. Whole is probably as desolate as this fraction of heart I live with now, but without experience. I said I wished I was dead and maybe whole for me would be dead. You gave me back my ability to feel raw. To be vulnerable, except, then, you left me there to figure how to cover up again. Clothes-napping while I was skinny dipping. Not even a towel. I am falling falling falling and it feels like I will never touch grounded and well and healthy. I am falling asleep, the only reprieve I have from this nightmare called ME.