Do you ever wish?

I wish I could melt into my favorite songs. Like I was the person who wrote the song or who it was written for. To have feelings so strong that they were worth writing songs about. I always wanted to write a blog of all song lyrics. I always add song lyrics to my posts, but sometimes they are too subtle or obscure to notice. I have been listening to alot of music lately. New songs, old favorites. It's funny how a song can bring up crazy memories or a new song can remind you of someone, someplace or sometime. "Blister in the Sun"-Violent Femmes, Kallee, Laura and me all in the front seat of Kal's dodge car with no shocks or struts. Bouncing along with a cooler full of soda in the trunk. Never without Dr. Pepper. That summer gas was 99 cents at the AM/PM. We filled up everyday and cruised around Mill every night. Java Road, Descendants God, break dancing on the corner where the PF Changs is now. "Bus to Beelzebub"-Soul Coughing, Brian, Kim, Linz, late nights, watching the sun rise, eating Taco Bell at 430 in the morning. Cruising Mesa, sitting on the window sill of Brians blue car, no shirt, just a bra after a monsoon storm. My first drag of a cigarette. Remember that, Brian? I almost fell off the car, or maybe I did. "Destination Course"-Spaceman Spiff, Mark, Kallee, Laura, AnnMarie, Lil' Kim, first show at the Nile, upstairs. Then later in the basement. "Tapin' up my Heart"- Mr. T Experience, Linz and I went to the coffee shop in downtown Mesa to meet before classes at MCC. Linz, remember TOM? Cute glasses boy. Bought my vintage record player at that coffee shop. Kathryn, remember that Piebald show and hanging at your house afterwards? Coloring books and crayons. "Lovefool"-the Cardigans. Meet and greet at Gibsons sponsored by Joe Trevino and Sony music. Hanging out with Nina, talking about their guest appearance on 90210. (Oh, the 9-er.....) Promise Ring, Mineral, 764-Hero, the beginning of Emo. Shows every night. The First Warp Tour at Desert Sky, 4th of July '96. Moshing, skanking, dancing, smuggling food in, saying I was diabetic. Skinny dipping afterwards til the sun rose. Jimmy Eat World playing free shows at the Nile. Westen, Lifetime, Safehouse, Pauls ex Kendra wanted to kick my ass, my grrls had my back. <3 Linz, Megan, Kim. Pharcyde and Souls of Mischief, my first hip hop show with Rob. My love of electronica started after the Prom when we went to that rave. My mom never found out. "I Cross My Heart"-George Strait, the only song I danced to at Prom. We looked good!! "Everything Sucks Today"-Descendants, night Ryan and I hooked up. 6 months later......."Pumpkin Eyes"-Silver Scooter, the test comes out positive and my life is upside down. "Talking Shit About a Pretty Sunset"-Modest Mouse, 1998, Boston's with Melissa C, 8 months along, videotaping the massive amount of drugs coming out of Isaac Brock's deep pockets. "You Gave Your Love to Me Softly"-Weezer, wedding song. Lake Powell, 1999, blizzard, cold feet and cold feet (no typo) wrinkled shirt, smoking weed with my mom for the first and LAST time. During the last 9 years, I have been living in the past. Listening to old music. Wishing I was back there. Not realizing the memories I could have been making. "The Sweet Escape"-Gwen Stafani, the Cash Inn, my first Lesbian bar experience with Erin, trying to two step and line dance. I have two left feet. Ha! "Smack That"-Akon, El Dorado Hot Springs, Dixie, we weren't supposed to talk. It was supposed to be a totally introverted experience. Oh, well, we tried. Drove home from there in our bras. "Want To"-Sugarland, seriously too many memories to mention. Dixie, Erin, Justin. "I Can't Take It"- Lola, road trip to Powell with KimB. Dry Beaver Creek, spirit totems at mile marker 444, dreams and revelations. How many times did we listen to this? There are so many more music memories. I am trying to live in the present. The past was yesterday and it has made me who I am today. "You fall apart again, and you can find a friend. Don't turn to someone else, cuz they won't understand. Don't wanna hear you say that you miss yesterday, if you don't like what you see, that means nothing to me.." New experiences, new friends, old friends, memories. Maybe they were all written for me alone.