Zen and The Art of Masterbation

I used to be an avid masturbater. What happened? Sometimes I did it twice in a day. That's alot for a mom of three, by the way. Now? Two weeks ago was my last time until today's feeble attempt. I just spent an hour in my room, sans interruptions and could not get off. What the fuck? I finally did and it was a small meaningless earthquake. No aftershocks. What is happening to me? Have I lost my will to live...I mean cum? I am more active now than I was even a month ago, so what gives? Furthermore, my masturbation fantasies (word used lightly) have become a little violent. Like I have to be forced to climax. TMI, huh? I think my lack of drive has alot to do with the fact that I don't necessarily want sex right now. Not sure if I would turn it down if the right person came along, but what I really crave is touch. Simple touch. Hand holding, kissing, caressing, someone to sleep next to, intertwined legs, rhythmic sleep breathing. Pure and simple, but somehow hard to get. Why is it everyone is so interested in fucking? Yeah, it feels good, but it's over in a moment. Even if you spent the night, that's only a few hours. Did you know that simple human touch aids in digestion? Babies who aren't touched enough fail to thrive. They die. They could have a bottle and diaper change every two hours, but they still die. I won't die, but I sure feel like it sometimes. K, my not-so-baby, still sleeps with me sometimes. I love waking up next to him, til he starts playing with my hair. He's warm and snuggly and so beautiful. He smiles when he sees me. Where's his grown up equivalent, without the hair thing? I want something so simple, to be held. To wake up happy. That's not to say sex could not be involved, but not so fast. I'm not talking relationship either. Just love. Are you out there?