Where is it?

I have asked the question over and over. Where is it I belong? Sometimes it's a place I am wondering, sometimes a caste. Do I remember my road trip fondly because I miss the open road? Did I feel the peace in the forest that I remember? Was it the grand adventure I tell people? Or did I warp it to be just how I wanted to remember? No. I feel like all I remember is real. I do not want to own a house anymore. I do not want my children to grow up stagnant. I want life around me. Not greed, or wanting or wishing. I want real freedom. I want to be free of these pressures I feel to be a good woman, a good wife (working on that one), a good mother, a provider. I can be all of these things on my own terms. I can define what each of these is for myself. My transformation from yesterday me to today me happens every night. I learn something, I lose something, I meet someone, I disregard another. I drop my puzzle and reconfigure. Every morning is new, but how many tomorrows do I have? How can I keep questioning without taking action? I am so afraid to make a wrong choice, to fuck up, but am I fucking up by not choosing? What would it take for me to be out on the road again? What would it take for HIM to let me take the kids? Is it good enough for me to only have the summers on the road? What will this dream cost me and the kids and who will be brave enough to support me, possibly go with me? Will I die along the way? Maybe, but I will die having lived. A little piece of me dies every day while I wither in this life I am afraid to let go of. I am a take charge woman, SO TAKE CHARGE SELF!!!! Do this. Make it happen for you, self.