New Years Update

Met the parents. I need to start at the beginning of the night. She came to pick me up. When she walked in, she stopped and just looked at me. Then she said, "You look hot." Right. I did good with the outfit. In the kitchen, she told me that she got me a New Years gift, since we decided not to exchange christmas gifts. I said that wasn't fair and there was no such thing as a New Years gift. She said it's a Canadian thing. I called bullshit. She said "Canadian underground." (Witty girl, she is.) I closed my eyes as instructed and when I opened them, she was holding a necklace. The charm is a perfectly weighted white gold ball, with one side of the ball carved out and a small diamond set in the center. I was speechless. I love it.

With the necklace on, we headed out the door. When we got to her house, I was told to wait out by the car while she retrieved her parents. I was super nervous at this point and this standing and waiting didn't help. Her mum came out first. She looks like a really short Hillary Clinton. I introduced myself and held out my hand, which was promptly pushed away and replaced by a hug. Was nice. Her dad was next. Like a giant Nick Nolte, he lumbered toward me and hugged me.

I was a less nervous by now. The ride to the Ocean Club seemed like it took forever. They asked me a zillion questions about me, my kids, my schooling, my work, my future plans. My goal to be a doctor and how I will achieve it. I felt like I talked too much. (I asked her later and she said I didn't.) She said something that I didn't hear. I said, "What's that, hun?" This is something I say alot, to anyone.

When we got to the restaurant, we were immediately served champagne. I usually don't like champagne, but this was tasty. Maybe because I was so needing it, maybe because it wasn't the usual Brut my family serves at New Years. We were seated right in front of the live band, so at least there wasn't much talking. A toast to the New Year and new friends. Cheers. "Lemondrop Martini, please." (In Ocean Club speak, that is two martinis for the price of one. To regular bar standards, it's about four shots of vodka. Can anyone else see a problem?)

After the toast, the couple next to us was seated. He's huge and goofy looking. She's absolutely gorgeous. And when she takes her coat off, her boobs are just staring at me. I couldn't help, but look. I remember that I am being watched, so I quickly turn back to my drink and look up just in time to see her dad watching me check out the girls tits. Good one, self! Fuck.

I have to pee. I excuse myself from the table. Stand up and oh shit, I'm a little tipsy. I have to walk really slow, they can't know. Especially because I just ordered another martini. In the restroom, I meet Pinky. She the bathroom attendant, because people in Scottsdale can't get their own paper towels. I tipped Pinky well because I would hate to be stuck in the bathroom all night on New Years. She's pretty funny. In typical me style, I make friends with the bathroom attendant. Apparently while I am in the bathroom, my gf's dad says to her, "So you two are just friends?" She says, "Yes, we're friends." She can sure skirt around the truth.

Back the table, my gf asks me if I had noticed the chic with the boobs. I told her of course and I told her that her dad catching me looking once was enough for me. My other martini was there. Yum. I start to have to tell myself that every move I make must be slow and controlled. Once I make contact with the glass, I must have a firm grip on it before I move it to my lips. And so it went, this dialogue in my head. Her mom staring at me the whole time, her dad judging me, sizing me up, making sure I am worthy of his daughter. (At this point he can't get it out of her, her gayness remains a secret.)

The matre de, James, walks up to my gf and they exchange hugs. He puts his hand on my shoulder and say, "It's nice to see you again." Her dad tilts his head at this. See James is in on the big gay secret.

I have to go again. Slow and steady, I don't think I am really walking crooked, just seeing crooked. "Hey Pinky, girl. How you doin?" You know those stupid MySpace surveys going around right now about 2008? There's one question about the dumbest thing you did while drunk. Well here it is. "Pinky, you want me to go get you a plate of that Alaskan King Crab? I'll bring it back in here for you." She replies, "Girl, you a riot. I'll lose my job. Now you want some lotion?"

Eleven o'clock. She tells her parents we are leaving. And so we go. I am super trashed. I NEVER get this trashed. I am always so good at stopping myself before sloppy. Yeah, not so much this time. Hugs and thank you's all around. We decide to come back to my place. I'm thinking we should have a fire, then I'm thinking, Fuck I'm drunk. I can't light a damn fire. I'll burn my house down. So we sit on the porch swing and smoke some weed. I thought I was fucked up before, well I had another thing coming. We weren't paying attention to the time, so when the first gunshots of New Years rang out, we were a little surprised. Much kissing ensued.

The next day after she left, I received these texts:

"Mum loves u by the way, dad likes you but didn't like u calling me hun lol, im like dude she calls everyone hun, hes like its how she said it" (This particular text was accidently sent to her dad. And he asked if lol meant lots of love. Great.)

Next text:

"Hes like shes infatuated with u, its the way she looks at u..."

Next text:

"He asked me if u were just a friend..."

Oh yeah, the man is onto us. (I feel like a teenager.) Still she refuses to tell him. He's practically begging her. It's her thing, but what he thinks of me is rather unnerving. I feel like a dirty old (wo)man stalker preying on the young and innocent. They leave in the morning. Nice people, but I will be glad to have my secretive gf back all to myself. Sheesh!